Your perspective may be holding you back.
Why can't I get over him? If you’re still pinning for a man who has long since moved on with his life and has a new love, it may be what you believe about a previous relationship that’s keeping you stuck.
These insights will allow you to look at the break up from a more empowering perspective, which may just be the key to finally letting go of your ex once and for all. Once you learn how to get over a breakup, you can establish a more gratifying relationship of your own. Here's why you can't seem to let go.
1. You never consciously made the choice to let go of the relationship.
Whether you are consciously aware of it or not, on some level you may have played more of a part in wanting the relationship to end then you realize. If you were experiencing inner conflict or turmoil about the relationship that you aren’t addressing consciously, you subconsciously contributed to a chain of events that lead to the dismantling of that situation.
Even if you didn’t consciously initiate the breakup, coming to the realization that you played a part in moving this relationship out of your life is very empowering when you recognize that there was a part of you that wasn’t willing to accept or continue to tolerate an unhealthy or undesirable situation.
2. You believe that he's having the wonderful relationship with someone else, but you and he were meant to have it instead.
As the old adage goes, “we always think the grass is greener on the other side.” If you want insight about what’s really happening in his current relationship, simply recall the dynamics that played out with you and other people in his life when you and he were together.
Was there a pattern of conflict in his primary relationships? If his relationships with friends, family members and past girlfriends were often fraught with drama and generally tended to be problematic, then it's a pretty safe bet that those same dynamics are playing out in his current relationship. If this is the case, realize than him moving out of your life was actually a blessing.
3. Your ego is in the way.
Let’s face it: no one likes the idea of rejection. Your motivation for wanting him back may be more about soothing a bruised ego. If you believe that getting him back will validate you in some way, it may be a self-esteem issue that needs to be addressed.
4. You believe you'll never be able to have the relationship you truly want with anyone else.
If you were anticipating having a long-term commitment with someone that has ended, you not only have to let go of that person, you also have to let go of the life you intended to create with that person as well.
If you subsequently operate from such beliefs as “he is only one for me,” or you feel that you just can’t live without him, this is an indication that that there was an unhealthy attachment to the relationship. Maybe the lessons you needed to learn from this relationship were detachment and going with flow.
The truth is that there are other men with whom you can have a truly meaningful relationship and your previous relationships came into your life for the purpose of teaching you the lessons you needed to learn in order to attract what you really desire. As Author Arielle Ford states in her book, The Soulmate Secret, “Regardless of our personal histories in relationships, we can choose to adopt the belief that everything we've been through has been but preparation for finding our true love.”
Realize that if you can create circumstances to move the wrong relationship out of your life, then you also have the ability to manifest the relationship you do want. Also, keep in mind that there are a lot of great people who just aren’t great together. In other instances, some people just need time away from each other in order to grow so that they will have more of an appreciation for one another if they do get back together.
Either way, learning to see the ending of a relationship from a more positive and empowering perspective will make the process of letting go and learning how to get over a breakup a lot easier. It will also give you the opportunity to assess whether a relationship was truly meeting your needs as well as shed light on any issues you may need to address in order to create the relationship you want.
Lorraine Jackson is a Law of Attraction Dating Coach and Author of "When Women Wake Up: A Gal’s Guide to Getting Real, Letting Go and Getting a Great Guy.”