Even the best relationships get boring sometimes.
We are all born with the God-given gift of creativity. What we do with our creativity — indeed, whether or not we even perceive our own creative ability — is another matter. Our creativity can be used to succeed in business, to create art and write beautiful novels, or it can be used to build better relationships.
There's no limit to how we can use our creative powers, especially in terms of relationship advice. We don't need to struggle endlessly or sit idly by while we watch our marriage or relationships deteriorate! No, we have the power to make our relationships great.
If you want to stop with the mediocre, here's how to spice up your relationship.
1. Learn to feel alive again.
But what is a great relationship? A great relationship is one in which both partners feel very alive when they're together. The sound of our loved one's voice and the sight of their face fills us with joy.
We marvel at our luck in finding each other and being together, even when we've been together for decades. We thrill at the good times and appreciate our love and support during tough times. There's a sense of well-being that spills over onto others — our extended family, children, and friends.
If we'd like to get back to the place where a great relationship like this is still possible, there is a way to use our creative powers to make this a reality, starting today.
2. Talk to successful couples.
We can start creating great relationships by asking a loved one to be candid with us about a pattern in our relationships that may be causing some distance. For example, is there some aspect of technology like a cell phone or television that dilutes our time together? Do we keep finishing their sentences or fighting to gain control of the conversation?
Whatever it is, when we catch ourselves engaging in this distancing behavior, we can take note of it in some way such as writing it down in a notebook. It can be surprising how often this pattern appears and causes discord. Notice the ways this behavior affects our lives — not just in our romantic relationship, but in our work and other personal relationships as well.
3. Make positive changes.
Once we've thoroughly recognized the patterns that are putting distance between us, we can seek to alter or clear these patterns. We can use our creativity to come up with ways to stop ourselves from engaging in the behavior in the first place, or ways we can replace destructive patterns with a behavior that’s much more considerate and mindful.
For example, whenever we're tempted to check our cell phone at lunch or dinner, we might find something to appreciate about our partner instead. In this way, we're not only removing the obstacle to our relationship happiness, we're actually opening up to noticing something that previously we might have taken for granted.
When we're not happy in our relationship, it may be because we haven't explored ways of using our creativity to make it better. Remember: we create whatever we focus our attention on. We can create relationships that are fulfilling and life-giving, or we can create confusion, excuses, and copies of what we've always known. The choice is ours.
Nobody intends to design a mediocre life or a mediocre relationship, for that matter. A mediocre anything is lived by default, by drifting. Relationships deteriorate because we stop paying attention and we stop being creative. We can choose to alter our patterns in order to consciously and purposefully design a fulfilling, great relationship.
Mary Morrissey is an international speaker, best-selling author, and is widely considered the world’s foremost expert on “dream building,” which is the art and science of transforming your dreams into your reality. She is the founder and owner of Life Mastery Institute, the premier training center for transformational coaching.